Day 6

It was very hard to fight back tears as I was told Nate and Kathryn's stories yesterday. I had noticed Nate very early on in my experience, and noted him as being one of the more severely physically disabled, long-term individuals in the hospital. Nate was in a car accident with his girlfriend many years ago. He survived it unscathed, but she didn't make it out. The trauma of losing her led him to seeing constant visions of her. She would appear in front of him, and it drove him to a point of desperation, where he finally blinded himself using whatever method he could to severely damage his eyes.

Kathryn is a very withdrawn individual that is often spoken to by other individuals in the hospital, but never responds. This leads to frustration on the part of the others who are trying to receive answers from her. When inquiring about Kathryn's avoidant nature and how to approach it, I was told that she was locked in a closet by her parents as an infant and through some of her childhood, until she was finally saved by law enforcement. Now, due to her lack of trust in humanity, she refuses to speak more than one or two words when prompted, and stays as far away from people as possible.

I knew coming into this that a lot of the individuals residing here have been through some of the most horrific traumas imaginable, but perhaps I put the notion of this trauma somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, so that I did not have to accept that so much wrong had been done to them. No one should have to suffer to the extent that they did. It hurts. It hurts to think about how much negativity has made its way to them, but it needs to be acknowledged so that therapists and doctors working to unravel and clear away the clutter of the past can help salvage what remains and restore some sort of normality to their lives. It is the very least that they deserve.

After feeling severely affected by these stories, I realized today that, at some point, you have to stop selfishly thinking about how sad hearing stories makes you, and about the individuals themselves and their recovery process. They don't need another person crying for their tribulations. They need guidance, they need love, empathy, support, unconditional positive regard. They've made it here, signifying the end of an era for them, and they need only positivity and change in the here and now.

I can't say I've reached this objective standpoint yet. I'm only a volunteer that is here for a short period of time, so maybe I won't by the end of my experience. Sometimes, I wish that I were properly trained to do the actual clinical work of helping people in their recovery processes. But for now, if I can provide someone a smile, a moment where they can kneel their head back in laughter and forget how they've been wronged, then I am doing what I have set out to do.